About the Author
This is a Disclaimer for everyone that visits this portion of the site.
Bear in mind that, first of all, you came here of your own choosing and anything you disagree with henceforth is purely your own opinion. I will not be held responsible for hurt feelings or wounded egos here, this is my creation and you are not my hostage.
"By not seeing things for yourself, you are opening the door to being lied to and persuaded in one direction or the other." -Mark at BG
In short, this is my story of my life and experiences. You are not entitled to tell anyone how they personally feel as a reaction to some other action. Humans are flawed creations that are each separate entities, none of us are perfect and it is better to love those imperfections than to continue to feasting on everyone else's. So with this all said, welcome to what I will share.
Oh No... Okay...
" First, get your facts straight,
Then, distort them at your leisure. "
~Mark Twain
SIMPLE
Life
I was born in the autumn of 1987, to a young woman somewhere in Maryland of the United States. I lived in the state of New Jersey for twenty-four years.
SIMPLE
Soul
At heart, I am a mender; an old soul with years of mistakes and handfuls of regrets. I form strong bonds with those I want to trust, family means the world to me - blood and otherwise.
My actual name is Amanda, however my grandmother nicknamed me Monster when I was less than four years of age and this has become my overall handle name. Friends and some extended family call me Mandi in person, but across the gaming realms I can be either WickedRabies or MonsterMandi. I have been playing video games since I can remember, starting with the Super Mario cartridges and the ever anger-inducing Duck Hunt. I had always possessed a wildly colourful imagination throughout my youth, playing pretend with stuffed toys and staying up later than I should with a flashlight and a book. As technology began to grow and blossom into a more open platform, I took up typing more than hand-writing my fanciful stories and extravagant lands, as my handwriting is mostly illegible scribble anymore.
There have been many poor life decisions made by myself, and it is safe to say that - for the most part - I learned many valuable life lessons from these. It took living the mistakes for me to learn from them, as it seems to run in my family for us ladies to learn the hard way first. Though, I cannot honestly say I did not value the good times between. I was raised as an only child by my superwoman Mother, and she became every single role in my life that I needed; sister, friend, father, mother, and refuge. She wanted me to learn what "compassion" actually meant, and I embraced it with open arms. I learned how to be platonic, how to love with compassion and selflessness that she and my Grandmother combined to raise me. I have always had family around me, animals to care for, and heaps of love for the human race. I am commonly falling into the variety of personalities called "menders," or "fixers." Without my Mother to influence my growth, I do not think I would have learned how to care unconditionally. I am eternally grateful to my Mother, as she had to endure a lot to get me through the world filled by starved predators and violent cannibals. She is my Hero.
Unfortunately, this leaves to mystery about my father. He had been a good man, protective and old fashioned - he aimed to provide for his new family. My biological father had passed away at a young age, and me too young to remember his presence entirely. It had been years of mourning for my Mother before she could begin to move on from him, she found my stepfather, and like a typical stepchild - I made it hard first. Almost impossible, even, because to me - he was not my Father. He did try and he did help to raise me, teaching me the most valued lessons through my life. Without him, I am sure I wouldn't have succeeded as much as I have in my survival in this dark world. It took me years to finally accept that this man - he made my Mother happy - and ultimately, that is all I want for her. To be happy, and he does this for her. He does it for me, remaining by our sides through the worst of my life and seeing that I am provided for to this day still. For both of my parental figures, they give and continue to give so that my health and my well being remains in good shape. He fought for me when I needed him to, and when I didn't think I needed it. My Dad would be proud of this man, and what he had sacrificed for me to grow and learn. I love him, and I may not always agree with him - but without him, I would have been worse off.
These days, I live with a lovely family that has happily taken me in after my fleeing the east coast of the States; this is due to one of my life mistakes that forever scarred my home roots with a failed marriage. I keep watch of various pets as well as intervention with the grandchildren when need be. It is easiest to think of me as a sort of "Nanny," taking charge where the adults are not totally sure how to straighten out this new generation. I serve as a shining example of the things not to do and the things to do instead, as I cannot have children of my own. I cherish my families, and the children that surround. When I am not surrogate Mother, I rehabilitate wildlife and domestics of all creations. All walks of life deserve an equal chance of survival, and there is no creature that scares me - no matter how threatening. Though, my favourite rescues are the scaley and fuzzy. My new family is in the agricultural business, and contrary to popular belief - they yearn to preserve the natural order.
As I am sure there are some people that already know about my health and medical adventures, it should be known that I am immune deficient; the common cold to the average person lasts at least a few days to a week, whereas for me - it will last a month or longer. At twenty two years, I had been declared clinically dead for quite a while due to internal bleeding. As I was placed on ice for preservation, a crucial decision had been made to keep me alive, and as a result - there are some remains of this that will be permanent in my life. At twenty four, I had a liver transplant for the genetically failing organ, and prior to this - there had been many breathing problems to complicate the surgery. I have had three internal bleeding episodes and at least half a dozen lung drains to alleviate collapsing lungs. My blood type is A Positive, and I can only be given whole blood safely. I also have iron anemia, chronic coughing and migraines. As a result of being without blood or life for an amount of time, there has been some minor brain trauma that has altered my personality a long time ago. There is also the trauma of abuse I sustained, and as such, I suffer Post traumatic stress disorder. I have social anxiety and generalized anxiety that can be set off much easier than it should for someone at my age. I do have some moments of total "Obsessive compulsive disorder/complex" that will make some of my habits or "arguments" as repetitive or repeating if it is not resolved. The anxiety has become quite out of control and it complicates my everyday life, it is part of the reason why I cannot live with my folks. It does not mean I do not love my parents, as above - I credit my parents to successfully teaching me valuable things. However, they are also part of the triggers, too. People, overall, make me uneasy and this makes my sociability close to moot; a wall would make a better conversation than I would on most days until I have established some thread of trust.
There are some people in my life that would much easier describe me to you than I could with positivism.
"We are our own worst critics; we live in these bodies and we cannot see what the world sees."
My Little Monsters and
Beasties
" People need to learn that - their actions affect other people. So be careful what you say, and do, it's not always just about you. "
Whispers'n'Rumors
Everyone has rumors circulation about themselves, as self discovery is best done through the wild tales of others. I thoroughly enjoy learning about myself through these wild stories and over-stretched situations that paint me all kinds of colours. These interesting assumptions are often easily dispelled, my over all intentions are to enjoy a game of story telling or smashing things in video games. It should be known that, here in this part of my small biography, these are all perspectives from myself - I will explain my reasons and leave a message to the story tellers that will encourage some form of ground leveling. I do enjoy the good spinning, but there should be a point of understanding later that resolves the misunderstanding. I do not think it is healthy to continue to hold resentment for someone/thing based on a one-sided argument/understanding. I believe in adult actions that include talking problems out for resolution - cohabitation is my main goal overall. I had been conditioned to separate my emotional feelings from logical arguments and bartering, utilizing this often has made me versatile in group and organized settings.
Please understand that if anything crops up that makes you uncomfortable or upset in any way when interacting with me, I would absolutely love to talk it out with you. I do not want tension or ill-thought to ruin us both, especially if it is something that we can talk or discuss with reasoning instead of hurt feelings. I am not wholly terrible at negotiations, or compromises - I would much rather work a problem out with you than have you upset with me.
Please please please - do not be afraid to bring up any problems you have with me - with me, myself.
Nanooka vs Fanfare
There is an ongoing belief that I am a threat to anyone that opposes me, or my opinions on matters, of which is laughable at best.
This rumor stems from two people - one of which I found comfort in, once upon a time. The other is the perpetrator that fuels this fire and checks to assure that I am not spreading truths out of fear. There have been many moves and actions taken against me to ensure my departure, too. For those that do not know, she goes by the name "BrandyCat," and can found here/here.
In the beginning of the twenty-eighteenth year, I had made a move to return to the role-play scene with my dominant, as was promised to him and myself. This has been widely debated as a bad move, I was encroaching on on a plot that did not include me at the time, because BrandyCat had intervened on my relationship with him. She would push me out, while playing the concerned friend to assure there would not be much suspicion about her intentions - whatever they may have been at the time. He belonged to her, and how dare I claim otherwise. At every turn, it was about her and no one else. I am told she was made aware that I would come first, though her actions spoke of selfishness and lust. I begged, argued and fought for the attention of my own dominant in competition with BrandyCat, who took great offense to my efforts to be with him as his first. She made a move to permanently include him in her plot and design, skillfully manipulating to shove me aside while she took all of his attention for herself. For every hour I was permitted with my own dominant, BrandyCat would add another day of which I would be denied, taking advantage of my insecurity and weakness. Even when I was permitted some time with him, she would always have him to herself in the end. She could not let me have my own dominant even for couples days and Valentine's events, I was not first of choosing when she demanded he pick her.
When it came down to the grit of it, she and I were momentarily mediated to resolve this selfishness and lust. I was uncomfortable with her actions to take him from me, and her actions to ensure he would remain with her alone. When asked to remove her need for romance with him, she complained that the character involved would die and that she would quit if I persued this arrangement to force her character to find another romantic interest. I explained why she was making me uncomfortable, I wasn't removing her from his plot or story - I simply wanted her to find someone else to have sexual relations with that would not be someone I am committed to. Again, she expressed how unfair I was being and that she would not just give him up for anyone else. While this was going on, she then made a move behind my back to ask him to continue infidelity without my knowledge. She, also, then blamed him specifically claiming that if he were truly in control, he would put me in my place to allow her to continue with her own romantic plot that I had politely asked her to move on from.
When the end came, for certain, there was a wild backlash that came from BrandyCat and she involved people that did not need to be contacted or brought into the matter. When asked why she needed him, she would snub the question and respond to my outreaching to communicate with plain "fuck you." It is impossible to talk to this woman, and she will apologize to anyone else other than myself or my dominant. She has since been on a warpath to destroy, not just my dominant, but me as well. Turning what few friends I did have against me with whatever ear-ticklings she gives. It has been my fault exclusively for her displeasure and my own removal, and I remain out of sight as best I can to avoid self injury. I will never get the explanation I have been needing, neither will I ever get an apology for how she made me feel.
" Some of you cared.
None of you cared enough."
From BrandyCat
" I first met her in early 2017 indirectly because I was roleplaying with her friend (The one that scifer mentioned) and said friend and I developed a friendship OOCly as well as a relationship ICly. OP was not pleased with this because she was in a relationship with this person OOCly. She would go on tirades at our mutual friend (at the time) and send him novels about how he was betraying her, how this wasn't right, how she couldn't believe he was accepting someone else into their relationship. She would attempt to manipulate our mutual friend through guilt, most of these logs I saw with my own two eyes.
I admit, I actively tried to get our mutual friend to dump her because I was OOCly worried about his OP claims it was because I was in love with our friend OOcly and while yes, I did have care for him, I am a married woman and I was not going to uproot any part of my life to be with a near stranger who lived in a different country than I did. :) I am not sure if she knows that our friend had reciprocated said feelings towards me, but it was more or less because we were close OOCly and talked often. She even holds it against me that her friend and I went to an IC valentines day ball together, saying that I _denied_ her time with her friend, when she forgets that _her friend_ was the one that asked _me_ to go with them, and that he played a very active role in all the time we spent together, especially on days that she was particularly upset that her friend and I spent time together. We made time for each other.
It progressed further with her upset and while I admit I did not do everything right, she went to the extreme. She eventually issued an ultimatum to our friend that it was, quite literally, her or me. Our friend chose her because they were together OOCly and they have known each other much longer than he knew me. I resisted, I admit, but ultimately I backed off entirely. He put the silence rule on me via facebook and I had respected it. I was heartbroken over losing a friend and shelved my character for a while before I got angry and decided I would not let her decide the fate of a character I had dumped years of work, hundreds of dollars into art, and that I genuinely enjoyed playing."
Miscellaneous
Something fancy will be here as I work on this more, thank you. c:
